


temporary fix

by jengao



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and each other, but things dont always work out, jeno and donghyuck like kissing a lot, summer flings and things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:29:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jengao/pseuds/jengao
Summary: jeno had been nothing but a temporary fix for someone broken beyond repair.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in one shot at 2 am while listening to keshi's summer - listen to it and read this if you want. i hope this is good, because it's different from what i normally write.

donghyuck wants something, but something short. jeno wants forever.

_know I said no love but I want to_  
_kiss my wounds but not forever_  
_fill me up 'cause I'm running on empty_  
_kiss my wounds but not forever_  
_and it's fine if we're only pretending_

donghyuck likes summer. the long drives, the sand, the sun, and late nights. empty bottles and the clouds of smoke. breaking glass and ear shattering laughter. he drinks it all in until all the memories settle in just under his skin. but dreams don't last a lifetime, and just as quickly as he makes those memories, he forgets them. always on the move. chasing the next high.

maybe donghyuck actually loves the summer. but he definitely likes it more with someone else. but he never falls too deep. he never has, and in all honesty, lee donghyuck is not someone capable of falling in love. hes only good at playing pretend.

so that's when he decides. the night he sees lee jeno at a late night summer party; him and jeno were going to be love for three months. for the summer.

does he take jeno's feelings into consideration? what do you think?

donghyuck's been called selfish before, and he doesn't give a fuck.

jeno is quick to get caught in the web of half truths and pretty words that donghyuck crafts just special for him. but... donghyuck momentarily catches himself falling for his own words himself. he pulls himself back though: flings have expiration dates and they're no good after the time has passed.

"try not to fall in love." donghyuck warns jeno.

but jeno... he's falling in, deeper. and donghyuck is standing by the shore, watching. and no intention to help pull him out; he'd rather let him drown in his own feelings rather than risk getting himself caught in the undertow.

but jeno's smothered and in love already. it's been a month and a half for donghyuck; a month and a half left. but it's been forever for jeno, and he still, naively, thinks they have eternity left.

jeno clings to donghyuck. at parties. on the couch. on the beach. in the back of the car. and in bed. jeno doesn't want to let go, he can't let go. donghyuck says nothing. does nothing. he just goes along with it. hurting jeno wasn't an option, not right now. no, for now. this was okay. it was okay. right?

three months is all they got, anyways.

it's the end of july and jeno is happy. its their two month anniversary. donghyuck thinks jeno's cute, as he tries to keep the puke down when jeno draws their names in the sand. an unconscious wave of relief crashes over him when the tide washes away his boyfriend's work, much to jeno's despair. donghyuck gives jeno a sidelong glance. his eye twitches but he says nothing.

donghyuck elects to drag jeno back to the car, into the backseat, and to kiss him again.

they fall together, donghyuck's heartbeat against jeno's. jeno's starts to say something, but donghyuck swallows up every last word with his lips. jeno melts under his touch, his hands in donghyuck's hair. he pulls softly, causing donghyuck to moan into his mouth. jeno smiles into his lips. donghyuck bites jeno's bottom lip, both of them giggling when jeno lets out a particularly embarrassing moan. donghyuck kisses him again when they finally calm down, deeper this time. his hands go under jeno's shirt, playing with his boyfriend's sensitive spots. jeno moans again. he squirms as donghyuck presses a knee in between his legs, his body bucking up against the donghyuck's in the backseat. when donghyuck pulls away for air, jeno's lips are wet and swollen and his cheeks are flushed. donghyuck always thinks jeno looks pretty, but he looks prettiest like this.

“you’re so beautiful.”

and as donghyuck kisses jeno until the older boy is out of breath and panting underneath him, donghyuck almost feels like his wounds are healing he wants jeno to kiss him, but not forever.

donghyuck knows. he knows everything. he's known it all along. but he pretends he doesn't. just like how he's pretending to be in love with lee jeno, who is very much in love with him.

and as he plays with jeno's hair while jeno lays in his lap, lazily singing and playing his guitar that's definitely out of tune, donghyuck ponders what it would be like to be in love like jeno, with jeno. not in pretend love for the summer, but in love with him in the fall, and winter, and even in the spring. what it would be like to be with jeno all the time.

donghyuck forgets all this when jeno pulls him down suddenly for a kiss.

"pay attention to me when i'm talking to you!"

donghyuck makes jeno shut up with another kiss. one thing leads to another and they're both in bed soon, with far less clothing. jeno's sleepy after, and he curls into donghyuck. jeno traces patterns into donghyuck's skin until he's fast asleep. he feels safe in his warmth. donghyuck pretends to too.

donghyuck likes jeno. it's the beginning of august; one month left. more parties, more blurry nights together. more memories made all to be forgotten again. donghyuck misses jeno, even though he's making out with him right now in the stall of a bathroom. jeno doesn't notice, coked up and far too gone but donghyuck is crying, kinda. donghyuck doesn't know why. don't ask, he won't answer you. he tells himself he doesn't know why, but he knows very well.

the next week, donghyuck doesn't let jeno leave his side. every waking moment, donghyuck and jeno are together. donghyuck's hands never leave jeno's body, and he leaves marks on jeno’s soft skin. they fade away days later. jeno gets upset when he wakes up and they're gone. He rushes back to bed, into donghyuck’s arms pouting and pointing at the spot that had been softly bruised just the night before. this time, donghyuck gets a little sad too.

third week of august, and donghyuck starts to pull away.

"what's wrong..."

"nothing." donghyuck is curt.

"but a couple nights ago..."

"jeno, i'm just tired, okay? drop it."

there is a sense of finality in donghyuck's words, and it fractures jeno's heart. but he doesn't push it. he'll wait, as long as it takes. jeno’s willing to do anything for donghyuck, even though donghyuck is carving him into a caricature of what he wants, what he needs. if only jeno knew.

a couple days later, donghyuck is back to kissing jeno again. jeno's heart is healed. kiss me when you hurt me and i’m yours, jeno says. but donghyuck doesn't say i love you back when jeno says it to him.

donghyuck has never said i love you to anyone. he doesn't want to say words that he could never come to actually mean. but jeno doesn't understand that. jeno says i love you to everyone, but he always means it. jeno loves too much, and too openly. he's brave, donghyuck thinks. and that scares him.

donghyuck doesn't know how to break up with lee jeno. he doesn't know how to break the heart of the first boy he genuinely liked. for the first time in his life, donghyuck dreads the end of summer. because it means the end of him and jeno. donghyuck did not plan on this, on this feeling of not quite love but almost love that he had for the boy who looked at him with stars in his eyes. when donghyuck looked at jeno, he felt like he was staring at the universe.

donghyuck doesn't want to miss jeno. so he stops seeing him.

it's the last week of august and their three month anniversary but donghyuck hasn't returned his calls in three days. hasn't texted him good morning in three days. donghyuck comes around again a few days later, picking jeno up for a party down by the water. they haven't kissed in three days, and donghyuck missed jeno's lips. that's what he tells himself, at least. they get high, and jeno is happy, and donghyuck pretends to be happy. he pretends to be happy when jeno kisses him. he pretends to be okay when jeno whispers that he loves him. he pretends everything is fine when jeno goes down on him behind the kitchen counter. 1, 2, 3, stay with me. donghyuck doesn't know why he says that to jeno.

"of course, ill stay with you." donghyuck starts to cry. jeno laughs and wipes his tears and kisses the spots where they had been just moments before. this makes donghyuck cry even more, and jeno laughs again. when they wake up the next morning in some stranger's bed, tangled in the sheets, neither of them even remember.

it's the last day of summer. and donghyuck breaks up with jeno.

they're walking along the beach at night. donghyuck's hands intertwined in jeno's. their bodies bump into each other softly as they walk in silence, the water filling in the gaps where jeno's voice would have been. donghyuck is all jeno can feel right now, his senses are too hyperaware, every last nerve on fire. donghyuck feels nothing. donghyuck isn't here right now, he's far away.

as he blinks, his eyes begin to flutter. the night sky, stars, and lights all bleed together until all he sees is blinding white. then hues begin to colour the blank canvas. donghyuck feels lost. suddenly the colours start to look like... jeno? donghyuck runs to him; he wants him. he wants to be next for him. donghyuck reaches him.

"can we pretend a little longer?"

donghyuck says we when he knows none of this is pretend for lee jeno. from the moment jeno smiled at him, from their first kiss three months ago, from the first drunken whispered lee donghyuck, i like you, a lot!! it had all been genuine for jeno. donghyuck wondered if jeno ever had an inkling of the hollowness of his words.

dream jeno says nothing and melts away; then donghyuck is brought back to reality. jeno is giving him a kiss on his cheek. donghyuck's eyes flutter open. he almost wants to cry. he tries to give his boyfriend of three months a smile, the very last smile he imagined. day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, donghyuck had spent another summer with another boy.

but this summer had not been like every other summer before it. and lee jeno was not any other boy. donghyuck almost felt sorry for what he was about to do. maybe he did actually feel guilt, but if he did, he would never be able to recognize it, let alone admit it.

donghyuck pulls his hand out of jeno's. jeno looks confused, and donghyuck doesn't like it.

"jeno, lets be just friends."

donghyuck has never been friends with his exes.

"... what?"

"it's the end of summer, jeno..."

donghyuck looks away, the unfamiliar feeling of guilt that he couldn't recognize before and still couldn't creeping into his bones. jeno stays quiet, his brain slowly understanding everything at once. god, donghyuck hates this. jeno hates it too.

jeno nods his head like he knows everything donghyuck knows. of course, he doesn't know anything, other than the fact lee donghyuck, his boyfriend of three months and the first boy jeno saw himself thinking of forever with, was breaking up with because it was the end of summer.

"can i ask something, donghyuck?"

jeno doesn't wait for a response: was it all fake?

the words cut through donghyuck like a knife. but he keeps his composure. for his sake, and jeno’s.

"it wasn't fake, it was just for the summer."

that's a lie, and they both know it. but which part was a lie? the fake part, or for the summer part? again, don't ask donghyuck. he doesn't know, and even if he did, he wouldn't tell you.

"and you thought that was okay."

it's not a question, because jeno already knows the answer. still, donghyuck doesn't know what to say, so he says nothing.

donghyuck hadn't had enough of lee jeno.

_know i said no love but i want to_

but donghyuck's three months were over.

summer was over, and so was jeno and donghyuck. it was fun while it lasted, but for the first time, donghyuck wished he had never done it. never talked to lee jeno. never kissed lee jeno. never fucked lee jeno. never said he liked lee jeno, because he didn't know how to say he loved lee jeno. and now he's fucked up. now he misses jeno. now he's running empty with no one to fill him up.

_over u over u over u._ donghyuck says he'll get over lee jeno. will he?


	2. day by day, it's all the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno's trying to get over donghyuck, but it's hard when it's lee donghyuck.

one week passes. jeno cries.

two weeks. jeno cries more.

one month. jeno begins to cry less.

soon it's well into the fall semester and jeno is cramming for his first exams. but he cannot forget the boy that made his summer and broke his heart. the boy that kissed him under the stars and fucked him until jeno was begging for him to stop. the boy that held his hand and whispered to him how he was the most beautiful boy in the whole universe. the boy who made jeno feel full for the first time in his life. jeno cries again.

he doesn't understand what he did wrong. didn't he give his heart to donghyuck? jeno kissed him every day. sent him pictures and never left his side once. he always said 'im in love with you' and wondered why donghyuck had never said it back. maybe jeno should consider him kind for that. at least donghyuck has been considerate, enough? still, jeno doesn't understand why donghyuck didn't tell him from the start. if jeno knew that he was only fucking around, he wouldn't have gone and fallen in love with lee donghyuck. 

he still thinks of donghyuck when he's alone in his room in the dead of night. he remembers the way the younger boy would pull him in for kisses. the way it would feel when donghyuck's hands went under his shirt. the feeling of skin on skin and bodies pressed impossibly close together. the way donghyuck would smirk when jeno gasped into his mouth. jeno misses how donghyuck would push him down on the bed, and the way donghyuck would mark him up. 

jeno also liked how donghyuck was so sensitive and fell apart quickly when jeno rolled over on top him afterward. donghyuck was never boring; jeno and him and spent way too many nights in bed, and not sleeping.

one time, donghyuck had gotten jealous because jeno had gotten a little too drunk and thought it would be fun to flirt back with another boy. in reality, jeno wanted to see how donghyuck would react. jeno was still giggling when donghyuck dragged him up the stairs and shoved him into a bathroom. jeno smiles at donghyuck, thinking his boyfriend is gonna make out with him. donghyuck instead turns jeno around, shoving him forward until his hips hurt because the sink is digging into his skin. 

donghyuck had pulled jeno's head back by his hair, jeno's adam apple protruding due to the angle. jeno remembered how donghyuck had whispered into his ear, his breath spreading over his neck. he shivered; for a moment, he was back in that bathroom being sandwiched between the sink and an angry donghyuck. 

donghyuck had palmed jeno through the front of his pants, forcing him to watch himself squirm in the mirror. jeno's mouth had hung wide open, his boyfriend's name leaving his lips in broken gasps. jeno had always been too sensitive and donghyuck always knew just how to exploit it. 

jeno imagines the scenario, playing it over and over in his head. jeno still saw donghyuck's face when he closed his eyes and and his hand around himself.

he can close his eyes, and then he's right there, with donghyuck. 

donghyuck had whispered down jeno's neck; he knew jeno liked being talked down to. _you're just so needy, like a whore.._

jeno covers his mouth, forcing himself to keep his ex boyfriend's name from slipping out of his mouth. he's still saying his name in his head, his hand going faster as he imagines donghyuck's voice edging him on.

_you like this? you like being made a mess?_ jeno had nodded in the mirror, screaming _yes!_ and donghyuck had only shoved him further into the sink. _this is your punishment, don't forget it. _

jeno closes his hand around himself, he's close. jeno wishes donghyuck was here, 

jeno's chest is heaving, his breath coming in short spurts as gets closer to his high. he's fully whining now, his back arching off his bed and pushing himself into his hand. jeno's imagines it's donghyuck's hand. 

jeno had come humiliating quickly, and donghyuck had only laughed at him. 

jeno comes now with a slight scream, the image in his head of donghyuck behind him while using his hand to jerk him off being all he needed to find his release.

jeno lies in bed panting after. he's embarrased, humiliated. his stomach and fingers are covered in cum. this was not the first time jeno had done this. this meaning making himself come to the thought of his ex boyfriend. but nothing else seemed to help him get off better or faster. and despite jeno promising himself it would be the last time, it isn't. 

jeno drags himself out of bed and into the shower. as the hot water hits his skin, jeno just hangs his head in shame. this is how jeno has survived most of the semester so far. he goes to class in the morning, work in the afternoon, and back to his dorm in the evening to get himself off. jeno could go to parties and find himself hookups easily, but every time he's tried, he found himself moaning donghyuck's name. 

donghyuck, donghyuck, donghyuck. it's not even a slip up anymore, it's intentional. jeno just imagines it's donghyuck behind him when his face is shoved down into the bed. thankfully, his hookups were too drunk too care. 

jeno gets asked out on dates, and he goes. but his heart is never there. he tells one boy in the middle of desert _i'm sorry, but you're nothing close to my ex. _jeno knows exactly what he wants, and he _wants _it, even though he knows he can't get it.

he goes through donghyuck's old messages: the paragraphs and drunk voice notes. jeno smiles, just for a moment. he considers texting him, again. jeno types out _how are you? _his finger hovers over the send key, but jeno just sighs, throwing his phone to the side and burying his face into his pillow. just like how he used with donghyuck's shoulder, chest, and the crook of his neck. 

jeno partially regrets not asking donghyuck about what school he went to. he wasn't thinking of it during the summer, he thought he would still be with donghyuck. but maybe it's for the best. no doubt jeno would have attempted sneaking into another college's parties if he thought donghyuck would be there. but he didn't know a thing about lee donghyuck.

another time, jeno is drunk and sobbing in his dorm alone. his phone rings and it's his 5 month anniversary with donghyuck. he didn't even remember setting up those reminders. jeno's not thinking straight so next thing he knows, he's recording a voice note. he's rambling about how he loves donghyuck and how much he misses him and how he's even more in love with donghyuck now then he was two months ago. jeno is also sleepy and slurring his words. 

he wakes up the next morning hungover, with his phone in his hand. it's open to his texts with donghyuck. it takes his eyes a second to focus, but they widen when they see a nearly five minute long voice note recorded. jeno immediately presses play, bringing the phone to his ear as his toes start to curl from his own words. when did he get like this.... jeno is just grateful that he fell asleep before he could hit send. 

jeno should delete all the texts. jeno should tear up the pictures. jeno should block his number. jeno should forget lee donghyuck. jeno should hate lee donghyuck. he says he does.

he's still trying to convince himself of that nearly 3 months later. its finals now. jeno goes home soon. yet, he's going home alone.

its snowing and jeno remembers how donghyuck mentioned wanting to kiss jeno in the snow one day. now that he thinks about, donghyuck was probably drunk. but does that mean he was just rambling, or did he actually want to kiss jeno? jeno doesn't know the answer to that question. he just decides to focus completely on finals. he spends the next two weeks locked in his room, mostly studying. 

every once in awhile he'll get invited out for drinks or to a party, but he turns them all down. he hadn't had the best semester, and he's still distracted enough. but jeno is getting better; things are getting easier. he's learning to move on. he dreams of donghyuck still but jeno doesn't run to him anymore. one dream, jeno walks up to donghyuck, who offers jeno his hand. jeno almost takes it, but then decides not to. he wonders if he could do the same in real life. jeno hopes that he never has to find out the answer to that question. 

jeno's still hurting though. moving on but nothing's seems to help cover up the pain. finals are now over and jeno's home. he's with old friends and older flings, but he can't help but admit that he still finds himself waiting for donghyuck to somehow find his way back into his life... jeno never expected donghyuck to pick up his things and leave so easily and he's still a mess.

but jeno can't get over it. he just can't. it's been six months and even though jeno wakes up every morning, he still feels like he doesn't know what day it is. he misses the good days, the summer days, and long days that never ended with lee donghyuck. and now he's so lonely. he hates this shit, and only finds solace in his memories... but as soon as he wakes up and comes back to his reality, he finds it hard to want to go on. he wants donghyuck back. he wants his first love back.

day by day, everything feels the same. it hurts less now, but jeno feels numb.

his friends suggest he find someone new. and jeno reluctantly agrees. he can't keep on missing the same boy who has without a doubt moved on. so jeno starts going to parties again next semester. he starts drinking more again. he follows any girl that drags him into a bathroom. one,two, three... he fucks any and everyone. it's not like him, but when jeno's wasted... it's almost second nature. it's easy and makes him feel good, even if just for awhile. but it never lasts long. jeno get's sick of his hookups, and they get sick of him just as quickly. in the end jeno is left with the same biting loneliness and longing as always.

so for awhile, all he does is drink and get laid. it's keeps him distracted for the night, and jeno even kind of likes the stares that he gets when he walks into a party now. everyone knows lee jeno, and they're betting on who would be lucky enough to bed him tonight. but jeno wants more than nothing to be used.

maybe that's what donghyuck liked about him; how easily jeno became a whore for him. under the influence and completely sober.

but jeno doesn't like it completely. he also wants someone who loves him. and jeno thinks he's found it in this one girl. 


	3. i dont want you anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fin.

jeno comes to despise his ex boyfriend. he was so utterly drowning in love, he couldn't see at first how much donghyuck had hurt him, time and time again. but jeno was so willing to forgive him over and over again because he didn't want to lose him. he was more than willing to sacrifice himself for what he thought was his other half. maybe donghyuck loved him once, but clearly, he didn't love him anymore.

and donghyuck? god knows.

jeno doesn't quite frankly care anymore. donghyuck had been jeno's first true heartbreak, when jeno had done nothing wrong. and jeno had learned to let go. it was so extremely difficult at first, and jeno kept thinking up scenarios when donghyuck would come and beg him to take him back. jeno wanted to take him back, against all of his friends' advices. he just missed that feeling of being wrapped up in a blanket of love and warmth. but as the weeks and months had worn on, jeno started to see all the cracks he couldnt see before.

the mistakes, and hurtful words, the diliberate disregard. things that jeno had continued to brush off, because he kept telling himself that donghyuck loved him and was in love with him. but now jeno sees that donghyuck had deluded jeno, and perhaps even deluded himself. donghyuck had told him once that he can't fall in love, and jeno had laughed. but now that jeno thought more and more about it, maybe donghyuck had been telling the truth. donghyuck had never been capable of loving jeno for more than a few months, and never will be. and even that love, wasn't really ever good enough. but jeno had loved donghyuck so much, so it was more than enough. 

all donghyuck had to say was sorry, and that i still care. and jeno and donghyuck would still be together. 

_a minute you’re there, a minute you cared, now you’re gone._

but jeno can't help but think what donghyuck had been thinking, or if he even still thinks of jeno. does he miss the texts and late night calls? does he miss jeno's voice? does donghyuck miss jeno? 

_when you’re all alone in your bedroom, do you ever think of me?_

jeno hopes he does. he hopes that donghyuck feels guilty for being horrible to him, for breaking his heart, for making him blame everything on himself, and regrets letting jeno go. lee donghyuck will find other lovers, but he will never find another lee jeno. he's had shitty relationships before, and jeno was now just another name on that long list. he just prays that donghyuck learns not to lead people on, not to overstate his affection, and not to drop his next boyfriend so suddenly and out of the blue.

now jeno hates drinking, hates the beach and hates summer. he hates it all because it reminds him of donghyuck. its unfair, its unfair, its unfair. but no more tears over a boy that doesn't love him anymore. jeno promised himself that. 

jeno had made the mistake of falling in love with someone who could never love him back. _how could you love someone and leave? _

but he had learned his value, and his worth. he's going to be more careful with his heart from now on. and he owes that all to donghyuck.

a part of jeno still wants donghyuck, but most of him hates him. 

jeno had been nothing but a temporary fix for someone broken beyond repair.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what u think^^ my twt is @jenoharem (yes i got suspended again) -- 2/13/20 suspended again @faerielov now


End file.
